


Dear Sourwolf

by Ambear9



Series: Sterek 2021 Monthly challenge [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Allison Argent & Vernon Boyd & Erica Reyes Live, M/M, Mentions of Alcohol Abuse, Monthly One Shot Challenge, New Years Eve, Sad Stiles, Stiles starts a blog, mostly canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:47:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28180086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambear9/pseuds/Ambear9
Summary: Stiles leaves Beacon Hills and starts a blog for a school assignment, but then he gets bad news and starts to use the blog as therapy.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Sterek 2021 Monthly challenge [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064399
Comments: 5
Kudos: 160





	Dear Sourwolf

Stiles was excited to graduate High School and spend the summer with the pack before everyone went their separate ways. But Chris took Scott and Allison to Japan, Stiles was so jealous, Boyd and Erica escaped to a cabin in the middle of nowhere, Isaac went to South America with Cora. Lydia got early admission to MIT so she left right away to get her apartment decorated. Jackson and whichever twin he was dating, Stiles always got them mixed up, they went back to London.  
Then there were all the younger members of the pack and Stiles didn’t want to hang out with them, because he was nineteen and they felt like babies to him. Plus they were kind of annoying, now he understands why Derek got so annoyed with him and Scott all the time. Speaking of Derek, he was the only other pack member left, but Stiles couldn’t find him.

“Derek” Stiles yelled as he walked into the loft, knowing that Derek wasn’t there because he has been looking for him for close to a week now, but he thought he might as well try again. “Well I’m gonna start stealing shit, not that you have anything to steal, but I’m going to look” he started with the fridge, it was empty, just like the pantry.  
“Kama Sutra? How have I not noticed this before” Stiles grabbed it off the shelf “Kinkywolf” he opened it up realizing it wasn’t a book at all, it was a hidden compartment, inside was a keyring with a few keys on it and the black wolf keychain Stiles got Derek when he moved into the loft and Stiles made him get a lock for the door to try and keep out the bad guys, it didn’t work but it still made Stiles smile knowing that Derek used it. Then there was a letter with his name on it. He put the book down on the coffee table then sat down on the couch, he wasn’t sure how long he sat there staring at it before opening the letter.

Stiles,

I wonder how long it took you to find this, at least I hope you found it. Between your curiosity and teenage hormones, I thought this would be the perfect hiding place.  
I’m not sure where I’ll be by the time you are reading this, but just know that I am sorry for leaving without saying bye, I thought about it many times but every time I got close I panicked and walked away.  
I can’t be in Beacon Hills anymore, you of all people should understand that, and I really think you should leave Beacon Hills too.  
The keys belong to the apartment Laura and I lived in while in New York City, it’s in the heart of the city, I think you’ll like it. The address is on the back of this. It’s all yours if you want it. I’ve paid the utilities for the next year and once you get there, there is a safe in my room in the closet, I’m going to put some money in there for you to get settled and find what you want to do that makes you happy because you deserve to be happy Stiles. I’m changing the combination to your birthday.  
If my travels bring me back to NY then I’ll stop by and say hi if you’re there.  
Enjoy life, have fun.  
-Sourwolf

Stiles flipped the paper over and looked at the address. He had no idea what to do.

“Dad” Stiles walked into his dad’s office at the station  
“Hey son, is everything okay?”  
“I think so” he sat the bag he was carrying on his dad’s desk “I brought you lunch”  
“That doesn’t look like a salad, what do you need”  
“Nothing”  
“Mieczysław”  
“Woah pops, don’t need to bring that out”  
The sheriff opened the bag “You brought me a cheeseburger on a random Tuesday afternoon, something is going on”  
“I think I’m going to leave Beacon Hills for a little bit”  
“To look at schools?”  
“No, maybe, I’m not really sure but I need to get away and find who I am without Beacon Hills and all its monsters, physically and metaphorically”  
“What are you going to do for money”  
“Derek is letting me stay at his apartment in New York”  
“I thought Derek was missing”  
“He isn’t missing, just no one knows where he is, which was his choice, but he left me the keys and a little spending money until I can find something and obviously I’m going to look for a job when I get there and I’ll pay him back but he offered and I’m accepting because when else will I have this opportunity”  
“New York is about as far away from Beacon Hills as you can get without leaving the country are you sure?”  
Stiles shrugged “I really don’t know, I’ve been a wreck the last few days trying to decide and honestly I think I just need to go and see what happens, it's not like I’ll be stuck there forever.”  
“Just remember to call me”  
“Yeah of course, and please promise me you won’t sell Roscoe”  
“I’d never do that, plus who would want that thing anyways”  
“Rude” Stiles snatched a curly fry out of the container “I’m going to go home and pack and start looking for a flight”  
“I love you, Stiles”  
“Love you too Pops

\----------------------------------------------

“This will be the last message I leave, not even sure you’re listening to them. Just wanted to let you know that I’m in New York, this apartment is insane, you’re insane. I hope wherever you are that you are safe and” the phone cut him off so he hung up and threw his phone on the couch “And I miss you”

The next day Stiles went to the shelter and adopted a black cat, he had really long fur and was the closest to a wolf he could get, he didn’t want to get a dog because the apartment was on the top floor and he didn’t want to have to deal with that. The shelter named the cat Lucky and he tried not to roll his eyes when they told him, he changed his name to Bruce Wayne, slightly less cliche. He hoped Derek wasn’t allergic, can werewolves have allergies?

Dear Sourwolf, Aug. 22nd  
I started school today. I’ve been in New York for just over a month and I still have no idea what to do with my life, so I’m taking some classes and that is why I’m writing this, we have to write to someone, and well you were the first one I thought of. We have to put them on a blog we designed and make it anonymous with nicknames and stuff.  
New York is amazing and I will never be able to thank you enough for giving me this experience. I thought I would be overwhelmed with the number of people and the fast-paced stuff but I actually love it.  
I got a cat, his name is Bruce, I hope you’re not allergic, do you have allergies?  
Yes, he is all black and yes he is named after Batman.  
I got a job at a used book store, the amount of books I’ve read in the last two months I’ve been here is more than I think I’ve ever read in my life. I've started adding my favorites to your small collection here, I think you’ll like some of them.  
I hope something more exciting happens so I have more to write next time.  
Hope to see you soon  
-S.S.

Dear Sourwolf Oct 5th

Last week I wrote to my dad and mailed it to him, I told him about the assignment and he said I owe him at least one. He clearly doesn’t understand it needs to be online, so I scanned it and emailed it to my teacher explaining the situation.  
I went on a date, it was horrible, I don’t even like him, I was just lonely and trying to make new friends and he took me to this super fancy place and then asked me to pay, like rude, who does that? The waiter felt bad for me and offered to take me on a proper date but I turned him down, told him maybe it was a sign to not date, but I told him maybe I’ll come back and see him when I decide to try and date again.  
I did find this really good coffee shop that I can’t wait to take you to, it’s a little family-owned place and I’ve never had better coffee and their muffins are mind-blowing and they change up the flavors and you never know what they are going to have and so far every single one is sooooo good!  
My teacher thinks I should be a teacher, how weird is that, what would I even teach? Little kids? High school? Somewhere in between? I don’t think I have the focus for that. I was thinking journalist but I’d probably end up writing what I want, not what they want, then we have the detective thing, or FBI thing or go back to B.H and be a cop. I literally have no idea. So now I’m going into debt with student loans for fun?  
I did some deep cleaning when I accidentally had too many energy drinks and I found some pictures of you and your siblings when you were tiny, I went and got some frames and put them up, not sure if that is weird or not but it is still your place. I also hung up a few of our ‘family’ from B.H.  
I’m trying not to use names in case someone we know finds this, anonymity and all.  
Hope to hear from you soon.  
-S.S.

Dear Sourwolf. Oct. 31st

Happy Halloween.  
I guess it’s technically not Halloween anymore because it’s now after midnight but whatever.  
I went to a frat party, there was an 80s theme, I bought some stuff at the thrift store and it was actually really fun until I tried a shot called a blow job, sounds a lot more fun than it is. I’d rather have an actual dick in my mouth.  
Probably shouldn’t be writing this on a school assignment but whatever, I’m drunk and we were told to write what we were going through and this is real life.  
Some random chick went around kissing people on the cheek with neon lipstick and it’s bright orange and won’t wash off, it feels like I have cooties. I’ve added a picture of my outfit, you were alive in the 80s old man, how do I look?  
I’d like to see you dressed up for Halloween? Maybe as a werewolf you know it would be easy make-up. Have you done that before? I need pictures.

-S.S

Dear Sourwolf Nov. 21st

Sorry it’s been a while since I wrote anything, I’ve been working a lot and my assignments have been crazy but I’m on break now.  
Have you ever heard of a virtual Thanksgiving? Well, our friend pack is all over the world right now so I figured out the perfect time for all of us to be online together and eat. It was fun seeing everyone again, well except Lizard Boy, he is still an ass.  
I think he is mad that the Red Haired Queen is now dating K9 Flames, they work well together and no I’m not jealous, I promise.  
Your sister and Scarves are still refusing to admit they are dating, like traveling across the world together and being stupidly cute in pictures isn’t obvious. You better come home for the wedding.  
I haven’t decided if I want to go home for the holiday break, we are trying to plan it so everyone is home but I’m not sure how that is going to work.  
McWolfie and Female Hawkeye just moved in together in our hometown, so I’ve already staked claim on their spare room. My dad moved in with his mom, it’s weird but we all saw that coming right?  
I hope wherever you are that you are enjoying some turkey and all the other typical holiday foods.

-S.S.

P.s. Hope you had a good birthday.

Dear Sourwolf, Dec. 19th

I’m up in my room at Casa McWolfie, me and Bruce made it safely, he hated it so much but I didn’t want to leave him behind to fend for himself, knowing his chonky ass he would have eaten all his food in one day.  
They have a new puppy, his name is Arrow which is both nerdy and appropriate, it’s some kind of beagle mix and he trips over his ears and makes the cutest little howling noise and I may kidnap him.  
I thought about getting a new apartment that isn’t on the top floor so I can get a dog, then I found out how much rent is, and holy shit. I’m staying at your apartment until you kick me out because wow, the prices are stupid, I don’t even want to know how much it costs because it’s massive compared to some of the places I looked at, and I really don’t like the idea of being in a dorm because I like my alone time, plus I don’t trust many people after everything we have dealt with.  
I spent three hours driving around in Roscoe because I missed him so much, my dad has been taking care of him and I’m glad he actually ran that long. He still jokes that I should get rid of him; I think deep down he likes that I have it because it’s like the one thing my mom left me and we both have that connection with it.  
K9 Flames is trying to convince me to move back and become a cop. I know I’ll be good at it but right now it’s not what I’m interested in, I still don’t know what that is but maybe one day I’ll figure it out.  
Merry Christmas Sourwolf, hope wherever you are that you are celebrating, and I hope you at least call your sister because everyone misses you, but she misses you the most.

-S.S and Arrow who is laying on my lap and I may actually cry from how cute he is.

Dear Sourwolf. March 17th

It took me close to a month to be able to write that again. My therapist said I need to try again, yeah a therapist, shit happened after I found out you were gone.  
And I’m not okay.  
Writing that was so hard, I had to get up and walk away.  
I’m no longer in college, I’m staying in N.Y, but I have no motivation for anything. Luckily they let me finish the last of my stuff online and I actually managed to get it all done, but I’m not doing anymore.  
I also lost my job, but they told me if I want to come back when I recover, then I can. How does one recover from finding out one of their best friends died.  
A lawyer came by a few days ago and told me that you left me everything, fuck you Sourwlolf. I’d rather have you than anything that you left me.  
My dad said if I didn’t find a professional to talk to then he would come here and drag me home, but being there would just make it worse, so I did it. I did a lot of research and I was able to find one that knew about the things we’ve dealt with if you know what I mean. It’s nice to be able to tell someone about the demons I’ve dealt with and the nightmares I used to have. Yeah I know I told you I was fine, but seriously why did anyone believe me? A fucking Nogitsune possessed me and you guys all thought I was okay after? Well I wasn’t, I’m still not.  
Not sure why I’m even doing this, you’ll never be able to respond, and now I’m crying again so I’m stopping.  
-S.S.

Dear Sourwolf, April 8th

I’ve been sober for three weeks now, my last drink was the last time I wrote to you.  
It was St. Patricks Day after all, and so of course I had to celebrate with green beer.  
The drinking never got horrible, but I was doing it every day and I hated the person I was and I made a lot of mistakes, but I’m stronger now, I think.  
I still miss you like crazy every single day. I thought about getting a new apartment but I can't bring myself to do it. I wear your clothes, I hope that’s not too weird.  
I called your phone today just to hear your voice, pathetic right? I honestly thought you would answer, but you didn’t and it broke me more than I thought it would.  
The thing is D, I love you….loved you...and I am so mad at myself for never telling you.  
A few of our friends and your little sister told me you would have said it back, so glad I found that out after you died. Not sure I believe them though, but guess I’ll never know the actual truth.  
I got my job back at the bookstore, they let me come back part-time, I only need it as a distraction, not for the money. Still can’t believe how much you left me, I tried giving it to your sister but she said she has her own and told me to keep it, so I did.  
Our favorite Nurse sent me these fancy paints and I picked up some canvas and decided to start painting. It is so relaxing, I signed up for classes and I painted a bowl of fruit, it’s wonky but I hung it in the kitchen anyway.  
The classes are every two weeks so I’ll probably have this entire apartment covered in art. I feel kind of stupid writing to you when you’ll never be able to read it, but it does help so I’m going to keep doing it.  
-S.S.

P.S. It took me half the day to realize it was my birthday, I completely forgot, and apparently so did everyone else because I haven't heard from anyone.  
I ordered myself a burger and two large curly fries and a large chocolate shake.  
Happy 20th to me I guess.

Sourwolf. April 25th

I spent two days in bed, and then an entire day drowning in tears and tequila, that would make a great country song. Maybe I’ll write it and sell it for millions!  
I slipped up, so sue me. Did you know this apartment complex has a gym? I just found out, clearly, I don’t pay enough attention to the signs hanging up around here. But yeah I thought it would be a good idea to try out the pool at the gym, the fucking pool. As if that would bring back a rush of memories of you.  
Three hours we spent in that pool, three miserable hours that somehow was one of the top moments of my life because to me it was the moment we learned to trust each other and after that, we had this friendship that probably didn’t make sense to anyone else but to me it was perfect. Well, it would have been better with kissing but that doesn’t matter now.  
I ended up having a panic attack and almost drowned, some hot guy named Zack saved me. I’m sure I would have been fine though, but I then invited him out for a beer and he kissed me and I kissed him back and I felt guilty as hell. Why? I have zero idea. I almost died because I was thinking about you but then I kiss someone else. You’re dead and we were never even together, why did it make me feel like shit? So yeah I went to the liquor store and got some tequila.  
I’m sorry.  
I’m headed to a meeting, just wanted to let you know that I’m fine, one day slipping up isn’t the end of the world.  
It’s weird because I saw my dad getting out of control with his alcohol consumption and I told myself I would never get to that point and I did. I am trying really hard to not get to that point.  
-S.S

Dear Sourwolf, May 1st

I went to a meeting tonight for people dealing with loss, I saw a sign for it stapled to a board in that coffee shop I wrote about earlier. So I went, and they fucked me up by letting a guy sing a sappy ass song and I can’t stop thinking about the lyrics

‘Laugh and cry a little, while reminiscing  
By myself  
I can't help  
That all I think about is  
How you were taken way too soon  
It ain't the same here without you  
I gotta say, missing you comes in waves  
And tonight I'm drowning  
Yeah, I know you're in a better place  
And one day I'll see you again  
But it's killing me we can't be face to face  
I miss my best friend’

Fuck it hit so hard and it keeps playing over and over in my head. Because it does hit me in waves and I feel like I can’t breathe, like drowning in my own emotions.  
I’m not sure if you’re in a better place because I’m not sure how much I believe in the whole heaven and hell thing but then again I didn’t believe in the supernatural until I was in high school and B.H became a cesspool of crazy shit, but that's not the point.  
And you might be thinking ‘we weren’t best friends’ and you know what, I put a lot of thought into that, and I think we were. If you think of everything we have been through together, and those late-night conversations where you opened up to me about stuff you’ve never talked to anyone about.  
And even though you dated TWO crazy women during our friendship, you never shut out our friend group like McWolfie did with me. Don’t get me wrong, I still love him to death but when he and female Hawkeye started dating he sometimes forgot about me. Shit, I shouldn’t be comparing you two, I’m rambling now. It’s almost midnight and I drank an energy drink. I know. Stupid. Especially with all my mental health shit, but hey it's better than other things I could have done.  
So I’m going to listen to this depressing playlist I found and cry in the bathtub.

S.S.

P.s. I hate that there are no pictures that exist of your face because I miss that scowl.

Dear Sourwolf, July 10th

It’s been one year since I moved to New York, how can 12 months feel so short and so long at the same time?  
I’m going to take some time away from these letters, I think it’s what I need to do, it’s therapeutic to feel like I’m talking to you, but it also makes me miss you more. So this will be the last one for a while.  
I’m still seeing my therapist as needed, and going to meetings for alcoholics and loss, it can be overwhelming and sometimes stresses me out talking to strangers about my problems because I’m worried I’ll slip up and spill some secrets if you know what I mean, but at the end of the day it helps so I still go.  
I’ll never forget you D, and I’ll never stop loving you.

-S.S.

Dear Sourwolf, Nov. 7th

I got a tattoo today...it's a triskele, it's not in the middle of my back. It's on my forearm, kind of by my inner elbow. I wanted to be able to see it as a reminder of you but also where I came from and who I am. You would be proud to know I didn't pass out.  
Remember in the van on the way to Mexico when you tried to get me to convince L.D that it was some special talisman. I can't believe he fell for it, and I can't believe we got through that with a straight face. There was so much I wanted to talk to you about that night but there was so much going on and you left with Badass B and then it just felt weird bringing it up after that. Maybe one day I’ll write it down.  
The truth is I was on the way to the liquor store because I realized today is your birthday when a card showed up at the apartment from someone named Nadia, wish I could ask you about that one. Can’t believe you are dead and got more birthday cards than I did.  
Anyway, I stood in front of the liquor store for a little bit trying to make up my mind of what to do then saw the tattoo shop across the street so yeah I got a tattoo instead. Don't tell my dad.  
Yesterday in my art class we could paint whatever we wanted. I painted a black wolf howling at the moon. I hung it in the bedroom but it made me cry so I took it down.  
I’m going to mail it to McWolfie.. He said he wanted it.  
Happy Birthday, Sourwolf, I love you.  
-S.S.

Dear Sourwolf Dec. 23rd

Merry Christmas. I’m back in B.H with the fam. Everyone is in a relationship and I feel really weird being here like I don’t belong. It’s like my life froze when I found out you died, and everyone else just kept moving on leaving me behind. Kind of like when I was lost with the Ghost Riders again. It’s weird.  
I was planning on staying here until the new year but I already booked a flight back to New York, I’ve always wanted to see the ball drop in time square so why not.  
I told my dad about my issue with alcohol and he offered me a Jack and Coke and told me to man up. So that’s fun.  
So I’m currently locked in McWolfie’s old bedroom eating a pot brownie Catwomen made for the pack party last night, never had one before, not bad.  
Apparently, all my old stuff has been sold or packed in the attic here, it’s a weird feeling.  
Everyone was looking at me with so much sadness in their eyes, yeah we all miss you like crazy but it seems to have affected me the most, I just can’t shake the sadness.  
Lizard Boy thought it would be funny to paralyze me, not sure how long I was stuck on the couch, but at least everyone else had fun putting Christmas decor on me and taking pictures. I’m looking into hiring someone to skin his lizard ass and make the Red Haired Queen a purse and a matching wallet, maybe some heels too. He is such a prick.  
I’d like to imagine if you were here you would have kicked his ass and wouldn’t have let people use me as a photo prop. At least I could blame the tears on the fact that I had no control of my body, at least I didn’t piss myself, so that’s something right.  
Anyways, I’m going to sneak out in the middle of the night and go see your sister and her scarf loving boyfriend and they are going to drive me to the airport. I’m not going to tell anyone else I’m leaving, then I’ll let them all know I’m safe once I’ve landed.  
-S.S

P.s the brownies have kicked in and I keep randomly sobbing, so never gonna try those again. Do not recommend.

Stiles grabbed his baseball bat as he slowly crept over to the front door so he wouldn't alert whoever it was trying to get in, he stood there with his back against the wall really hoping they would give up and leave, they didn't.  
The door opened and he swung, hitting the person in the face.  
"What the hell Stiles" Derek growled, rubbing his now shifted face.  
"Derek?" Stiles dropped the bat  
"Do you know another werewolf with keys?"  
"Shit" Stiles quickly grabbed his cat right before he got out the door. He shut it then walked over and put him on the cat tower. “Please stop trying to escape Bruce, we have talked about this” Stiles scratched Bruce’s head keeping his back to Derek taking a few deep breaths before turning around to look at him, he held up his hands to count his fingers, just to make sure.  
"This isn't a dream Stiles"  
"How are you here?"  
"I told you I would come visit, I tried calling but you didn't answer"  
"You're dead, and I um deleted it because I kept calling you to hear your voice and I don’t answer numbers I don’t know and you didn’t leave a message"  
"I'm very much alive and I did listen to all your messages, sorry me not replying made you think I was dead"  
Stiles pointed to a small box on the shelf above the fireplace “That is you”  
Derek walked over and picked up the black box with the phases of the moon painted on it. “Where did you get this?”  
“Peter” Stiles said his name slowly “Son of a bitch” Stiles started pacing back and forth “SON OF A BITCH”  
“You believed him?”  
“Derek, I hadn’t heard from you in almost a year, he brought me ashes, what the fuck was I supposed to think?”  
“I’m sorry Stiles” Derek walked towards him  
“Stop” Stiles held up his hand “Just stop because if you get too close I will hug you, and I won’t let go and you will get all angry and I’m on the verge of tears and I don’t need you seeing me cry or get tears on your stupid leather jacket”  
Derek grabbed Stiles’ plaid button up and pulled him into a hug, “I won’t judge you for crying and I’m sorry you had to live with that”  
Stiles stepped back before the tears started, cupping Derek’s face, running his thumb over where he hit Derek with the bat, it was still a bit purple, Stiles wondered if he broke something. “I’m sorry I hit you”  
“I think it was deserved”  
Stiles took a few more steps back before he did anything stupid “So what’s in the box?”  
“Smells like sand and cake mix” Derek shrugged, running his fingers over the painted moons “Did you paint this?”  
“Uh yeah, I’ve um been taking art classes to escape from life and I really like it”  
“You’re good”  
“Oh my god, your money” Stiles started pacing  
“You don’t have to pay me back, it was a gift”  
“No, not that money, most of it is still in the safe because a lawyer showed up and told me when you died everything was left to me. Who was that? Where did that money come from? I got the deed to the Hale house, I got more money than I’ve ever seen. I paid off my school loan, it was only one year but it was still expensive and I sent money to my dad and I made some investments and there is a lot left and you can have it all back and I will calculate how much I’ve spent and pay you back, not sure how because I work part-time at a used book store and”  
“Are you done yet?”  
Stiles took a deep breath “For the moment I guess”  
“I have no idea how Peter got the lawyer to do that, but I’m guessing everything you got was Laura’s”  
“Oh god, that makes me feel worse”  
“Laura won’t mind, I don’t think she will ask you to pay her back” Derek held back a laugh  
“You’re an asshole, that was not funny” Stiles tried to glare but it was hard to when Derek’s stupid cute smile was right in front of him “Okay it was kind of funny”  
“It’s been sitting in an account for years, and you are clearly putting it to good use so why not, and as for the Hale house, it’s just a burnt down shell, not sure anyone wants it”  
“Oh uh, it’s actually been torn down. I had them save anything that looked saveable. Um yeah, I had the pack get together and we made plans to build a pack house. It has tons of bedrooms, each one has a small bathroom and is as soundproof as we can make it and it will have a massive kitchen and the basement will be decked out for new wolves to safely turn. Don’t worry, the construction company is werewolf owned, how fun is that? And I got a discount because Liam started working for them, it’s like halfway done, they are saying mid-March if they don’t have a bad winter”  
“That is a good idea”  
“Sorry, I’ve been talking a lot. It’s been a long time and I feel like there is so much to fill you in on but I’d rather hear about your adventures”  
“You can keep talking”  
“Hold on, I need to call Peter” Stiles frantically walked around looking for his phone  
“Calm down” Derek grabbed his arm “Your heart is racing and you smell like anxiety”  
“I might have a panic attack”  
“Breathe, it’s okay, I’m okay, you’re okay”  
“I’m not” Stiles started breathing heavy  
Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles again, Derek was never one for hugs and he has now hugged Stiles twice in less than an hour. “Try to copy my breathing” Derek took a deep breath, Stiles did the same.  
Derek took a few more deep breaths, running his hand up and down Stiles’ back.  
Stiles pushed Derek away “I um I need to go” Stiles stared into Derek’s eyes for a moment “I need to be somewhere”  
“When will you be back?”  
“A few hours” Stiles walked over to slip on his shoes that were by the front door.  
“I’d like to make you dinner”  
“Okay, there is tons of food in the kitchen, do whatever, it is your apartment, crap uh I can move my stuff to the other bedroom if you want yours back if you’re staying, are you staying?” Stiles put on his coat  
“I’m going to stay if that's okay with you, and I’ll take the other room it's fine, I promise, you don’t need to change your routine for me”  
“All your clothes are in trash bags in the closet in that room” he pointed “I wasn’t going to throw them away, just easier to put them in bags”  
“Go do whatever you need to do Stiles, and try and stay calm okay?”  
“Telling a panicky person to stay calm is a guaranteed way to make me panic more”  
“Sorry”  
“Do you still have a phone?”  
“Yeah”  
“Okay so um if you need anything while I’m out, just text me, if you know how to text”  
“I can text “  
“Just checking since you know, I haven't heard from you, I wasn’t sure”  
“Stiles”  
“No, I get it, it’s fine, it’s fine, I’m fine, you’re fine, life is fine right?” Stiles grabbed his hat “Please don’t scare my cat, he is old, okay maybe not old but like he is my only friend at the moment and um”  
“I’m not going to hurt your cat”  
“His name is Bruce, he likes people a lot, so um if you open the door don’t let him run out” Stiles blinked, a tear falling down his cheek “Please”  
“Okay” Derek stepped closer, but Stiles ran out the door.

“Oh my god it smells amazing in here” Stiles' mouth started watering when he got off the elevator on his floor, he was excited to see what Derek was cooking “What the hell are you making?” He kicked off his shoes as he hung up his jacket.  
“I got a little carried away, I haven't been in a nice kitchen in a long time” Derek walked out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a dishtowel. “I made some toasted ravioli and loaded potato skins. I know the potatoes don’t go with the meal but it sounded really good and the potatoes needed cooking so they can be like an appetizer, and a penne pasta with a white wine sauce, and then I chopped up some of the veggies and made a salad, and there is a peach and apple cobbler in the oven”  
“Holy fuck, now I’m for sure not letting you leave, I’m starving”  
“It’s almost ready, are you feeling better?”  
Stiles shrugged “I’ll survive”  
“Want a glass of wine?”  
“No, um there isn’t alcohol in this apartment but then again you just said wine sauce so you found some? Where? I don’t think I’ve ever bought wine”  
“I walked down the street and got a few bottles”  
“I can’t drink” Stiles looked around  
“Bruce is fine, he is sleeping on the window sill” Derek pointed “and I know you’re not twenty-one but I won’t tell anyone”  
“No, I can’t have it because I have an issue with alcohol” Stiles walked over to the small desk in the living room and grabbed his laptop, he opened it up and handed it to Derek “Maybe read this while I go shower, it will be easier than me trying to talk about it and um maybe fill you in on what you’ve missed while you were dead.”  
“What is this?”  
“Just read it, and if you aren’t here when I get out of the shower, I’ll understand”  
“I’m not leaving Stiles”  
“Don’t say that until you read it okay”  
Derek grabbed the laptop “Okay but there is nothing you can say that will make me leave”  
“But there is clearly nothing I could have said to make you stay either”  
Derek didn’t know what to say, he watched Stiles walking into his bedroom.

Stiles took as long he could in the shower without making it weird or making Derek think he was doing something he shouldn’t be doing. Then he went into his room, or well Derek’s room, maybe? He wasn’t sure at the moment but it was full of his stuff now so he will call it his. He spent as much time as he could manage picking out clothes to wear, not that he had a lot to choose from, he just wasn’t sure he wanted to face Derek, and he also had to make sure it was long sleeves because he didn’t want Derek to see his tattoo. Derek who was reading about a year and a half worth of Stiles emotional ramblings.  
He sat down on the chair in the corner of the room, wishing he would have brought Bruce in here with him. He wasn’t sure how long he had been there meditating when there was a gentle knock on the door.  
“Stiles”  
“Yeah” he didn’t open it but he did get up and walk over to the door.  
“Can we talk?”  
“Don’t really want to”  
“We don’t have to then, but dinner is ready, so come eat, please”  
“I’m still deciding if I want to come out, well out of the room, I’m already out of the closet” he laughed at his joke, he could hear Derek huff a small laugh.  
“You smell like stress and anxiety, it burns my nose”  
“Sorry my issues are messing with your nose”  
“You have nothing to worry about, can you please come eat, we don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, and I didn’t mean it like I wanted you to smell better because of me, I’m just letting you know that you don’t need to feel that way because of me or anything you wrote”  
“Yeah, okay” Stiles opened the door, keeping his head down as he walked past Derek to the little eating area right off the kitchen and sat down.  
“I like this table” Derek ran his fingers along the edge of it as he sat down “It’s nice”  
“Dude, can you believe I found it on the curb? Someone was throwing it out, I looked it up and it’s like six hundred dollars and it’s like it wasn’t even used. I just cleaned it off and then paid the kid who lives in the apartment below twenty bucks to help me carry it up and I’ve found all the chairs at random thrift stores and some on the street. I just cleaned them up and I’ve had to re-stain a few but I like the look of all the chairs being different”  
“Good deal, I like it too, and I still hate being called dude”  
“Whatever” Stiles playfully rolled his eyes. “You care too much, it’s just a word”  
“I took all the wine to the girls next door”  
“Emily and Megan? They are nice but you didn’t have to do that, you could have still drank some”  
“I didn’t ask their names, and I’m fine not drinking and they were very happy to take it. They also asked if I was your boyfriend because you really need one”  
“Oh god” Stiles groaned “They have tried a few times to set me up on dates”  
“I told them, yes, so maybe they will leave you alone”  
“The food looks good” Stiles changed the subject grabbing the bowl of salad from the middle of the table and scooped some into the small empty bowl in front of him “I got most of the produce at the farmers market I go to every Saturday, now that it’s cold they have it inside and old skating rink and they even have some old arcade games that I got up and running” Stiles made the mistake of looking up at Derek “Please stop looking at me like that”  
“I’m sorry” Derek nervously chewed at his bottom lip, he wasn’t sure what else to say but he needed Stiles to forgive him, he needed Stiles to be happy but he was never good at talking or dealing with emotions.  
“Stop Derek”  
“You started drinking because you thought I was dead because I thought everyone would be better off not hearing from me and there were so many times I picked up the phone to call or text and I didn’t and I can’t help but think if I just did it then none of this would have happened”  
“You weren’t the only reason, and I’m not an alcoholic according to my therapist, I just abused it sometimes but I started going to meetings so it wouldn’t become a big problem, I’m fine and I was safe about it. I only drank here, and alone. I just don’t want to fall down this hole that I can’t get out of”  
“How did you get it?”  
“I had a fake I.D, but I destroyed it so don’t worry”  
“So Isaac and Cora?” Derek decided to change the subject, he wasn’t lying about Stiles’ scent hurting him, but it was more emotional pain than the nose pain he told Stiles.  
Stiles laughed “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s been a thing for a really long time, but during Christmas, they admitted they got a place together and were dating”  
“Do they all think I’m dead?”  
“No, I hid it...yes Derek. Peter told everyone, he held a memorial, there is a stone at the Pack House, we all cried a lot. My dad had a cook-out, Melissa made cookies, they were shaped like wolves and moons, super cute, but uh yeah it was a huge thing Der. You are loved by the entire pack and it hit us all really hard”  
“Peter is a dick”  
“Well, we know that” Stiles laughed “I just don’t understand why he did it. What did he gain from it? Did he just get off on seeing us all sad?”  
“Maybe he really thinks I’m dead”  
“Well we still won’t let him in the pack, so if that was his plan it didn’t work. Chris made him leave the memorial, he almost shot him, it was the highlight of the night”  
“I’m sorry Christmas sucked so bad, but I think I know a guy who can make Jackson into a purse, he is in Mexico though so we would have to travel”  
Stiles laughed again, it’s been so long he almost forgot what it was like “Oh god I forgot I wrote that”  
“The pot brownies?”  
Stiles groaned shoving a fork full of salad in his mouth  
“Does that work for the wolves in the pack?”  
“Erica has a special strain that is grown with wolfsbane or something and it gets them high” Stiles shrugged “Not really my thing, so I didn’t ask too many questions”  
“Guess I should call Cora back, she has been blowing up my phone. Let the pack know and maybe plan a visit back to Beacon Hills”  
“Yeah I may have sent out a mass text so they all know and they are all freaking out, um sorry I probably shouldn’t have done that but I was also freaking out and needed to tell someone”  
Derek shrugged “It’s fine”  
“This baked potato is cooked really well, I can never get it right” Stiles didn’t know what to talk about, but he wanted to keep talking about Derek  
“Oil, salt and throw them in the oven for an hour, then put way too much butter on them when they are still hot.”  
“I took a cooking class but it was this weird fancy shit and I had no idea what was going on. Like the teacher clearly has never been to Italy but was acting like it and his accent was sooo bad I couldn’t stop laughing, and it was stuff I’d never make and would for sure never eat it but I stayed because I paid for it. Then I just started watching youtube videos to learn how to cook new things that normal people eat”  
“Cooking, painting, anything else?”  
“Besides alcoholics anonymous, support groups for loss and therapy? No”  
“I didn’t”  
“It’s fine”  
“It’s not”  
“We keep going back to this same conversation, so I’d rather just not talk”  
“Can I ask one more thing?”  
Stiles shrugged “You can say anything besides you’re sorry”  
“Can I see your tattoo?”  
“Oh”  
“You can say no, I was just curious”  
Stiles avoided looking at Derek as he pulled his sleeve up, he sucked in a breath when Derek’s fingers traced the small triskele.  
“How did you know when my birthday is?”  
“I’ve always known when your birthday is, I’m like the pack mom who knows everything about everyone in the pack”  
“Pack mom? Really Stiles?”  
Stiles let out a small laugh “It’s always been a joke between the pack because I’m like the go to person for everything and I make sure everyone is taken care of” Stiles paused “Well I used to, but Cora has kind of taken my spot”  
“I’ve never been a huge fan of my birthday, so I never told anyone”  
“Your mugshot says November”  
“Because when you got me arrested I had a fake I.D”  
“I got you arrested, what...no...not innocent ol’ me” Stiles let out a small laugh  
“You and Scott were so fucking annoying”  
“Not our fault your psychotic uncle bit a sixteen year old kid and left us to figure this shit out on our own and you were the broody werewolf creeping around in the woods”  
“Are we really going to have this argument again?” Derek threw a ravioli at Stiles  
“Hey” he tried to scowl at Derek but it was hard when he was holding back a laugh. “I don’t think you want to start a food fight because I will win and you will have to clean it up then make more food”  
“Is that so?”  
“Yup,” Stiles smirked, shoving the ravioli in his mouth.

After they finished eating, Stiles turned on some music and cleaned all the dishes while Derek went into Laura’s old room and started unpacking and going through some of the boxes Stiles had put all his old stuff in. Derek wanted to help clean up but Stiles insisted and he didn’t want to argue with him.  
When he came out of his room Stiles had already gone into his room, and since he had the walls of both bedrooms soundproofed after he heard Laura with some random guys and girls she had brought home. He didn’t know if he was asleep or not, so he just went over and grabbed a book off the bookshelf and went back to his new room.

“Morning” Derek greeted Stiles when he finally decided to come out of his room a little before noon.  
“Hey” Stiles padded into the kitchen, he grabbed a mug from the cabinet, spending longer than Derek thought necessary to pick what flavor of coffee he wanted.  
“I didn’t even know you could buy all those flavors”  
“I think I’ve tried them all, I like variety. These pods aren’t as good as brewed coffee but it’s easier to buy all these flavors and it also stops me from making way too much coffee for one person to consume in one day.”  
“I went with a classic, in a Superman mug”  
“I’ve been slowly collecting nerdy coffee cups from thrift stores”  
“I saw” Derek couldn’t help but smile. “So what are your plans for the day?”  
“A whole lot of nothing”  
“I was thinking about walking through Central Park and I don't know” Derek shrugged “Doing something, I’ve missed the city”  
“Like you turn into a wolf and let me walk you through the park on a leash” Stiles smiled behind his mug.  
“Absolutely not” Derek glared, and damn Stiles missed his expressive eyebrows.  
“Come on, it would be so fun”  
“It’s illegal to own a wolf or a hybrid in New York, I don’t feel like getting stuck in the pound or killed”  
“Then you could shift back, it would be fun”  
“So I can get arrested for being naked in public”  
“Un-wrinkle that grumpy face, it was a joke”  
“Not a funny one” Derek smirked  
“Okay Sourwolf” The name came out of Stiles’ mouth so easy, his chest felt tight, at least he was smart enough to set down his coffee before he started shaking.  
“Hey” Derek got up quickly and walked over to him. “Breath” Derek’s hand hovered, wanting to touch Stiles but not sure if it was okay.  
“Sorry” Stiles mumbled “I um, I should...I’m going to get some clothes on so we can walk, um there is a place I want to take you to for lunch...if you want. It’s good”  
“That sounds good if you’re okay”  
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me”  
“Is there anything I can do or say to stop you from panicking and being so anxious all the time?”  
“This is me, sorry”  
“Don’t be sorry, I just hate that I did this to you”  
“It wasn’t just you, your not real death was just a breaking point okay, I’m not mad at you, I’m just overwhelmed and slightly embarrassed about the blog and just waiting for you to randomly ask about something I forgot about writing but like you gave me this apartment and opportunity to be free of Beacon Hills and yeah it didn’t go at all like I planned it but I’m still super thankful but saying Sourwolf out loud just brought a lot of emotions out, and I’m still trying to process the fact that you are actually here and it’s not some fucked up dream that I’m going to wake up from and be alone again. ”  
“I’m not going to bring it up, none of it is embarrassing, but if you ever want to talk about it”  
“No” Stiles cleared his throat “So do you have winter clothes?”  
“Somewhere around here”  
“If you’re referring to the super nice boots that were in the closet, I have claimed them, but the jacket was a bit too big so that’s still in there, along with an insane amount of hats and scarves”  
“Laura took up crochet during a bad winter when we kept getting snowed in, she went a little crazy and yeah those were my boots but I have another pair, it’s fine”  
“I usually take a few extra hats when I go out for a walk and give them to some of the homeless people I pass who don’t have hats”  
“You have a good heart Stiles”  
Stiles blushed

“I didn’t realize that New Year’s eve is tomorrow” Stiles looked around at the people setting up for everything in Time Square.  
“Do you want to come down here and watch the ball drop?”  
“I’ve been thinking about it, but then I’d start freaking out about being alone in such a huge crowd”  
Derek shrugged “If you really want to go, I think we should, it’s crazy and a bit overwhelming but it’s also pretty cool”  
“Well now that I’ll have a big strong werewolf with me, maybe it won’t be as terrifying” he playfully bumped his shoulder against Derek’s.  
“We will have to eat before, because the vendors and bars jack up their prices”  
“Hey I’m rich now, I can afford a ten dollar pretzel” Stiles teased, making Derek laugh.  
“We also need to head to the store soon and get stuff because they are predicting a bad storm to hit on the third and people are going to start buying up everything”  
“Last winter some old man literally threatened to stab me over a carton of oat milk, like it’s my fault he has a dairy and nut allergy” Stiles huffed “People get crazy about the storms”  
“They really do”  
“Last winter one of my college professors canceled class and held a snowball fight, and we got extra credit”  
“I’m glad you went to at least one year of schooling”  
Stiles shrugged “It was okay, thanks to Laura I paid it off so I don’t have to worry about that”  
“Do you want to go back?”  
“I haven't thought about it”  
“Still want to stay in New York?”  
“For now, if that’s okay”  
“Of course, if you don’t mind, I’d like to stay for a while too”  
“It’s your apartment”  
“That doesn’t matter”  
“I don’t want you to leave Derek” Stiles stopped walked “And I need you to look me in the eyes right now and promise me that if you want to leave and not talk to anyone that you at least say bye, let me know and promise that you will at least send one text a week, even if it’s just a hi, I need to know”  
“I’m never going to do that again, I swear”  
“I believe you”

“Oh my god Derek” Stiles’ eyes were reflecting all the colorful lights around them “This is overwhelming but so cool” his grip on Derek’s arm tightened, they were both slightly stressed, Derek had to keep poking his claws into the palm of his hands to keep calm, there were so many people and noises but it was all worth it to see the amazement on Stiles’ face.  
Stiles couldn’t stop looking around as they pushed their way through the crowd trying to find the perfect spot.  
“I think we will be fine here” Derek looked up towards where the ball was at “It’s too crowded over there”  
Stiles shrugged “Okay, but I kind of want to find a souvenir, like weird glasses or glow sticks...oooh glow stick would be fun or a stupid hat or those weird blow up stick things that make a noise when you slap them together”  
“So basically any overpriced thing they are selling?”  
“Yeah” Stiles smiled “I’m rich now remember” he teased “I can afford stupid things that I will treasure forever as a memory of spending New Years in Time Square with my dead friend who is no longer dead”  
“I wasn’t saying you couldn’t and stop saying that, someone is going to hear you and become very concerned”  
“Use your spidey senses to find something”  
Derek stood on the tip of his toes looking around “I think I see something” without even thinking he grabbed Stiles’ hand and led him towards the guy who was wearing all those ridiculous things Stiles wanted plus some.  
After a few minutes of arguing, Derek finally agreed to a glow stick necklace and one bracelet. Stiles got a few of the necklaces and bracelets, glasses with the year, a cup that blinked a rainbow of colors that you can get filled up at some of the bars around here for a discounted price but Stiles obviously wasn’t going to do that he just wanted the cup, and noisemakers, some you blow into and some you shake, Derek hated those but Stiles was smiling and that's all that really mattered.

“Stiles your heart is beating so fast, calm down before you pass out then I have to carry you back to the apartment and listen to you bitch about missing the ball drop two feet”  
“I’m excited...shut up and I think it’s more than two feet, I’ll research it when we get back”  
“Of course you will” Derek smiled “Are you ready to start counting”  
“Here” Stiles handed Derek one of each of the noisemakers, he took them even though he didn’t want to.  
Stiles was almost vibrating next to him, the noisemaker held close to his lips as he yelled out the count down, Derek couldn’t take his eyes off Stiles.  
“THREE...TWO…” Derek turned Stiles’ face to his, leaning in to kiss him when he got hit in the cheek with the stupid paper part on the noisemaker as Stiles blew into it.  
Stiles opened his mouth wide letting the noisemaker fall to the ground “Were you going to kiss me?”  
Derek wouldn’t have heard him over the screaming if he wasn’t a werewolf. He didn’t know what to say, he just shook his head no and stepped back, bending over he picked up the offending noisemaker and put it in his pocket, he didn’t like littering.  
“Derek Sourwolf Hale” Stiles grabbed his arm “Look at me”  
Derek hesitated before looking at him “Sorry”  
“Fuck you”  
“What?”  
“You heard me” Stiles grabbed his face, hard and smashed their lips together, it kind of hurt and was over before Derek could deepen it. “We should um head back to the apartment”  
Derek leaned in, whispering in Stiles’ ear “We need to stay a little longer, enjoy the celebration”  
“But taking you back to the apartment and kissing you again sounds better” he bashfully bit his bottom lip, he took off the glasses and put them in his coat pocket  
Derek leaned in again “If you want, but I don’t want you to miss out on something you were so excited for”  
“Derek I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first time I saw you in the woods, please”  
The way Stiles said please made Derek’s knees weak. “I know, I read your blog”  
Stiles smacked his chest “Asshat, you promised not to bring that up”

It took them way too long to get back to the apartment, their hands were sweaty from nerves but Derek wanted to make sure he didn’t lose Stiles in the crowd at least that’s what he was telling himself, even though it was obvious they both didn’t want to let go.  
Stiles wasn’t sure what he was expecting to happen when they got home, but standing there awkwardly should have been at the top of the list. “So”  
“I wasn’t planning on doing that”  
“Oh”  
“Shit uh I didn’t mean it like that” Derek helped Stiles take his coat off “I wanted us to talk first, talk about us and the future and what we both want but I was caught up in the moment and I just really wanted to kiss you”  
“And I hit you in the face with that stupid noise maker I insisted on buying even though you told me not to”  
“That was kind of funny” Derek hung their coats up on the hooks by the front door. “Something we can tell the kids one day” he teased, turning back to face Stiles.  
“Do we have to talk or can we just kiss again? Like a real kiss”  
Derek shrugged “As long as you promise we can talk later”  
“Seriously though, you actually want this?” Stiles motioned between them “Us, a relationship?”  
Derek nodded “Yeah, I have for awhile”  
“But you left”  
“Because I’m an idiot and I was scared and not sure how to deal with how I’m feeling or how to tell you what I wanted. Also, I wanted you to figure out your future without me being a factor in that decision”  
“But you were still a factor by giving me this opportunity to be in New York”  
Derek stepped closer  
“Tell me why you like me?”  
Derek narrowed his eyes “You want me to list everything?”  
Stiles shrugged “It would be nice to hear and it’s only fair after reading so much about how I’ve felt over the last year and a half”  
Derek stepped closer “What like how amazing your smile is, how lost I get in your eyes? How you make me laugh like no one else does, and have the biggest heart of anyone I know. Or do you want the more intimate things like wondering what your lips feel like on various parts of my body, or how your freckled pale skin would feel against mine” he grabbed Stiles hand “Or the way I’ve fantasized about your long fingers” he placed a kiss on the back of Stiles’ hand “and what they would feel like inside of me or wrapped around my hard” Derek pulled Stiles body against his “Or what sounds you make when I’m slowly making you fall apart in bed, or if making you come is the one thing that makes you stop talking” the last few words coming out as a whisper against Stiles’ neck.  
“Holy fuck” Stiles swallowed “That is the hottest thing anyone has ever said to me”  
“Stiles” Derek breathed “We should”  
“If you say talk I’ll punch you in the throat” Stiles cupped Derek’s face, moving his head up so he could look at him  
“I was going to say take a shower, we smell like dirty New York street and sweaty strangers”  
“Gross” Stiles’ nose wrinkled up, Derek kissed the tip of it, he couldn’t resist.  
“I don’t want to rush this, but at the same time I want everything you have to offer”  
“Dude we are doing naked activities, after all that cute shit you said to me, yeah I’m totally blowing you”  
Derek beta shifted making Stiles laugh “Carry me to the shower fuzzy butt” Stiles jumped into his arms, thankful for Derek’s werewolf reflex  
“Don’t call me that” Derek’s grip tightened on Stiles’ thighs as he walked into the bathroom, never more thankful to be a werewolf so he didn’t have to stop kissing him.  
Taking each other’s clothes off was a lot sexier in theory Stiles ranted about how the movies always make it look so fun and sexy while he was stuck in his sweater. Eventually, they both got undressed, Derek now owes Stiles a new Batman t-shirt though.  
Derek turned the water on when they were both down to just their underwear, Derek in skin tight black briefs, Stiles in bright blue boxers with otters on them “Nice” he laughed when he saw them  
“Shut up, they are cute”  
“Where do you even find underwear like that?”  
“I have a monthly subscription” Stiles wiggled his hips, watching Derek’s eyes tracking the movement.  
“Of course you do”  
“They have boxes for couples, we can get matching ones with different sizes and styles” Stiles realized what he said “If we are a couple”  
“Nope, just roommates” Derek deadpanned but couldn’t keep it up too long with that look on Stiles’ face. “I wear a medium brief”  
“Are you serious?” Stiles’ eyes lit up  
“Yeah, can we shower now?” Derek’s fingers ran down the hair in the middle of Stiles’ chest down to the edge of his boxers, tugging lightly at the elastic  
“Yeah, yeah um yup that’s what we should do”  
Derek kneeled down, gently kissing Stiles’ right hip.  
Stiles held his hand just above Derek’s hair, as he kissed across to Stiles’ other hip.  
“You’re allowed to touch me” Derek flattened his tongue against Stiles’ abdomen, keeping it pressed to his skin as he stood up. “I think that’s the point of this”  
“Your hair looks really nice, I didn’t want to mess it up” Stiles huffed out a small laugh. “But now I realize how stupid that is”  
Derek turned around, pushing his brief’s down before getting in the shower, Stiles quickly followed, almost tripping over his boxers as he kicked them off.

They kissed lazily as water dripping down their bodies, soaping each other up, hands roaming, it was more sensual than sexual as they took their time, exploring each other’s bare skin with their mouths until the water started to get cold.

“Lay that sexy ass of yours on the bed, I’m going to rock your world, Derek Hale”  
Derek laid down in the middle of his old bed, which was now Stiles’, he took a deep breath inhaling the scent of Stiles surrounding him. He bent his arms behind his head, staring down at the foot of the bed where Stiles stood.  
“You are seriously the sexiest person I’ve ever seen, like how is it even possible to have muscles like that”  
Derek felt the blush creeping up his chest “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen”  
Stiles scoffed looking down at his body “I’m already gonna put out, no need to hit on me now” He climbed up on the bed, knee walking up between Derek’s legs.  
“Just telling you the truth”  
“The truth is I’m going to blow you, then ride you until my legs fall off”  
“Only if I can ride you later”  
Stiles gripped the base of his dick, “Shit Der” he took a deep breath, “you can’t just say shit like that, are you serious?”  
“If you want?”  
“Hell yeah I want, I want so much”

Derek lightly kissed Stiles forehead “I think we need to leave the apartment”  
Stiles groaned “No, here is great”  
“We have been naked for three days, I need fresh air”  
“We can open a window, you should never wear clothes again”  
“We need groceries, I can feel the change in the air, there is a storm coming”  
“They can deliver them now, I have an app”  
“I’m leaving Stiles, and I’m going to buy more sheets”  
“At this point, I think we need a new mattress”  
“No” Derek growled, he had no idea where that came from  
Stiles rolled over to look at his boyfriend “Um you good Sourwolf? Emphasis on the word wolf”  
“Sorry” looked away shyly  
“Never apologize for who you are” Stiles cupped his face, running his thumb over Derek’s furry jaw “Ever”  
“The wolf is a little possessive, and I like the smell of you, of us on this mattress”  
“Gross” Stiles teased “But also really cute”  
Derek managed to shift back “When I showed up and you were wearing one of my shirts, I almost shifted and pounced on you”  
“Oh right, I forgot I stole half your clothes because I didn’t have much, and yeah I kinda liked wearing them”  
“Feel free to wear whatever you want”  
“Oh I’m totally wearing your leather jacket, and nothing else” Stiles barked out a laugh as Derek shifted again. ”Ya like that Sourwolf” he wiggled his eyebrows moving to straddle Derek’s thighs “I promise, if we have a minimum of one orgasm each, then we can leave the house for a few hours”  
Derek gripped the back of Stiles’ neck, pulling him down into a deep kiss “Go get my leather jacket” he nipped at Stiles’ bottom lip.

“Surprise” Everyone yelled when Stiles walked around to the back of the Hale House, he knew something was up when Derek told him to go back there, but it still caught him off guard “Um hello” he waved awkwardly, biting at the inside of his cheek  
“You okay son?” his dad hugged him  
“I’m fine dad, just wasn’t expecting this, and it’s a lot”  
“It’s not every day your kid turns twenty-one, I wanted to do something special”  
“So you throw your alcoholic son a birthday party with alcohol” Stiles waved his hand over to the table of alcohol  
“You’re not an alcoholic Stiles” His dad huffed “Drinking before you’re of age doesn’t mean anything, most kids do it”  
Stiles rolled his eyes “Of course you would say that, you drink an entire fucking bottle of Jack and think it’s no big deal”  
His dad reached out to grab his arm but Stiles moved away. “Don’t touch me” he looked around at everyone staring at him, it felt like his chest was caving in and all he needed was Derek but he couldn’t see him. Slowly backing away from everyone before he took off running into the house. It’s been a while since he has been here but he did help make the blueprints so he remembered that the room he claimed was on the third floor, he took the stairs two at a time. Once in the room he shut and locked the door, sliding his back down it till he was on the floor, he tucked his knees against his chest and did the breathing exercises his therapist taught him.

There was a knock at the door “Stiles”  
“Go away”  
“Please let me in”  
“No”  
“I’ll break the door down”  
“Okay kool-aid man, good luck”  
“Stiles”  
“Stop saying my name like that to try and make me open the door”  
“Took me time to find you, it’s very soundproof in here”  
“That was my plan when I designed this place, for werewolves”  
“This wasn’t my idea”  
“You could have warned me, even if you didn’t know before we got here, you could have heard and smelled everyone”  
“I uh, I’m not sure what to say besides I’m sorry. I thought you would like seeing everyone and I told Cora to make sure there was no alcohol”  
“I wanna go back to New York”  
“If that is what you really want, then I’ll buy a private plane and get you there as fast as I can”  
“Thanks for the offer” Stiles cracked the door open “I hate my birthday”  
“Since when?”  
Stiles shrugged “Since I stupidly decided coming back to a literal hell mouth was a good idea”  
“I’m sorry” Derek cupped Stiles’ face, gently rubbing his thumb across his cheek.  
“I told the pack, last time I was home, I told them I was sober”  
“I’ll make them get rid of all of it”  
“No, they should be allowed to have fun, just because I’m a loser doesn’t mean”  
“Stop” Derek cut him off “you’re not a loser”  
“I want to drink, I want to have fun, I want to be twenty-one but I’m scared”  
Derek stepped closer pushing Stiles back into the bedroom and shutting the door behind him. “Listen to me Stiles, it’s okay to be upset, it’s okay not to want to drink, but it’s also okay to have a few drinks and have some fun. You are safe here and you are not the same person you were four months ago, I think you will be fine for one night but it’s your choice Stiles, no one will judge you”  
“Except my dad”  
“Melissa had a very stern conversation with him, I don’t think he understood, but he might now”  
Stiles took a deep breath “If I have a beer will you have one?”  
“Just one, I’m going to stay sober, just in case you decide to drink, I want you to know that I’ll be able to keep you safe”  
“You’re too good to me Derek Hale” Stiles eyes went wide “Shit, no one knows we are together, I mean I’m sure they have assumed but”  
“We can hide it, or tell them  
“I don’t want to hide us? We don’t have to walk out and yell it, but I want to dance with you, kiss you. You know the stuff that we do in New York when we don’t give a shit who is looking”  
“Want me to blow you real quick to take the edge off” Derek winked  
“Well the only thing I want for my birthday is spending the night fucking you then having you fuck me, then the rest of the night switching back and forth until we pass out because we can’t function anymore”  
Derek looked around “Guess it’s a good thing this room is soundproof”  
“So you’re saying we don’t have to go out there at all”  
“Our bags with the lube is still in the car, and eventually someone will come looking for you, plus I think you should have one slice of cake at least”  
“Oh can we save a piece so we can lick icing off each other”  
Derek huffed out a small laugh “Anything for the birthday boy”  
“Now blow me like a candle”  
“No” Derek deadpanned, “You ruined it”  
Stiles stuck out his bottom lip “Please Der”  
“Aren’t you the one who is supposed to be blowing me?”  
“Yeah but you’re the one who is supposed to be supplying the birthday boy with the birthday blow job” Stiles stepped closer to his boyfriend “And I’m pretty sure it was your idea”  
Derek dropped down to his knees, locking his eyes with Stiles as he undid his pants.

Stiles' grip tightened in Derek's hair as he thrust one more time before pulling out, his other hand quickly moving to stroke his cock, it only took two before he was covering Derek's face in his come.  
"Really Stiles" Derek groaned as he stood up.  
"So hot" Stiles huffed  
"Everyone is going to smell it no matter how well I wash my face"  
Stiles licked up Derek's chin and into his mouth. "Don't care" he moaned, kissing Derek hard as he worked on getting Derek's belt and pants undone.  
He got down on his knees looking up at Derek "Feel free to return the favor" his tongue darting out to catch the bead of precome "make me smell like yours Der" he smirked when he saw Derek's fangs drop. "Yeah, you like that Sourwolf? Wanna come all over me" his lips wrapping perfectly around the head of Derek's thick cock.  
"Stiles" Derek had to brace his hands on the door behind Stiles to keep himself up "Mine" Derek’s body shook as he held off his orgasm, he wasn’t ready for it to end, Stiles mouth felt so good wrapped around him, and the way he moved his tongue made his knees weak.

Stiles hand tightened in Derek’s “Please don’t let me get too out of hand with my drinking” he took a deep breath “It’s not your responsibility, I know that, but can you help me?”  
“I don’t see it as you making it my responsibility, as your boyfriend who loves you and wants to make sure you are okay”  
“What do we smell like?” Stiles smirked.  
“Happiness”  
“Okay that was super cheesy” Stiles laughed  
“Every supernatural creature will know we are together if that’s what you’re asking”  
“I love you Sourwolf”  
“Love you too Stiles”

“Derek” Stiles looked around with panic in his voice “Where are you?”  
“Right here” He wrapped his arm around Stiles  
“I’m drunk”  
“You are”  
“Dance with me?”  
“I don’t know how to dance”  
“Hold me and sway back and forth”  
“It’s a rap song”  
“I don’t care, I want you to hold me” he wrapped his arms around Derek and tucked his face into the crook of Derek’s neck.  
“Are you doing okay?” Derek held him tightly as he started to move  
“Not sure”  
“Want to talk about it?”  
“My dad asked if we were dating”  
“Yeah he gave me the speech about shooting me if I ever hurt you, Scotty did too”  
Stiles let out a small laugh against Derek’s skin, making him shiver. “Glad to know they think you’re going to be the problem”  
“Cora is happy for us and wants to go on a double date before we head back”  
“Okay, we can do that”  
“She also said we smell horrible”  
Stiles laughed “I think we smell great”  
“If only you knew just how good it smells” Derek took a deep breath  
“Perv” Stiles playfully poked Derek’s side.  
“When we get back to New York, I got you a shopping trip at the art store so you can get those new brushes you wanted and restock some of your paints”  
“Can I paint you nude?”  
“Like on my body, or have me pose”  
“Both, I like both”  
“Happy Birthday Stiles” He kissed Stiles’ forehead.  
“Thanks, Sourwolf, for everything”  
“You deserve it”  
“I think I’m okay with being drunk right now, I don’t want to keep drinking, but I think I’ll be okay with having a random drink from time to time”  
“I think so too, but just remember if you ever feel like you’re slipping, I’m here”  
“Can you carry me to bed, I’m tired”  
“You can walk”  
“I know I can, I just don’t want to, and I have a suuuuper strong boyfriend who can carry me so why not take advantage”  
“You’re ridiculous”  
“I know, and you love it”

“I need to talk to you” Stiles plopped down on the couch next to Derek “And I want to start with how fucking sexy you look in those glasses and how it gives me a half chub every time you wear them”  
Derek looked up from the book he was reading  
“But why does a werewolf need glasses? I thought your vision would be perfect”  
“They have a low prescription to help my eyes stay focused when I read”  
“You should wear them all the time, especially when you’re naked...with me….doing naughty things”  
“Is that what you wanted to talk about?”  
Stiles fidgeted with the hem of his shirt “Um, is there somewhere you’ve always wanted to live?”  
“Nowhere comes to mind, are you wanting to leave New York?”  
Stiles shrugged “I love it here, I really do and I really don’t want to ever live in Beacon Hills again, I want to go visit for a month or so but I also don’t like being so far away from everyone, especially with Allison and Cora both having babies soon”  
“Do you have anywhere in mind?”  
“Have you ever been to Seattle?”  
Derek shook his head “I’ve been in Washington but never Seattle”  
“You remember Olivia from my art class?”  
“The one with the pink hair?”  
“Yeah, she moved there a few months ago and she offered me a job at her art studio, I will have like my own room there and I can teach classes and have art shows and sell stuff, pretty much whatever I want and the rent isn’t bad”  
“Okay”  
“That’s all you have to say?”  
“I think it’s a great idea, you know I love your artwork and support anything you do”  
“But I don’t want to make that decision unless it’s a move you also want to make”  
“I’m fine with it, I don’t care where we live, it’s not about where we live as long as we are together”  
“That was gross,” Stiles teased. “I loved it”  
“Maybe we can pack up everything and ship it to Seattle, then take a few week road trip then once we get settled we can spend a month or two in Beacon Hills so we can be there when the new pack babies are born and pick up your Jeep”  
“Oh my god, I miss Roscoe so much!”  
“I had no idea” Derek looked over at the three paintings of the Jeep hanging on the wall above Stiles desk  
“He is the love of my life”  
Derek rolled his eyes  
Stiles had a big smile on his face “and as for pack pups if you will, how do you feel about having kids?”  
“I’m pretty sure I can’t get pregnant”  
“Not what I meant asshole” Stiles rolled his eyes  
“Yes Stiles, I would like to have kids with you, in one way or another”  
“You should put that book down because I’m about to jump on top of you” Stiles didn’t give him enough time to react before tackling him.

Dear Stiles,

Right now you’re sleeping next to me on the couch and I’m attempting to write this on my phone. I’ve been wanting to write back to you for a while now, I know we made a promise to never talk about the death or the blog you made ever again, but I just needed to let you know how much I love and admire you.  
I’m glad you took up my offer to move to New York so you could figure out who you were without any influence from the pressure of Beacon Hills and growing up to follow in your dad’s footsteps. Yeah, you got thrown off your path by Peter being an asshole but as cheesy as it sounds, everything happens for a reason and you found your passion for art and creating.  
Then you got Bruce, I’m still not sure how I feel about him, okay kidding, he is great just don’t tell him or he will start sleeping on my face again.  
The pictures you hung up around the apartment now cover the wall of our first home together and I can’t wait to add more pictures to it as our life together continues.  
I wish I could go back in time and call you back and let you know I’m okay, I’ll never be able to forgive myself for the pain I put you through, I’m sorry. Yeah I know I promised to never apologize again but I needed to.  
I’m glad that you took the money Peter gave you and put it to good use, Laura would be so happy to know that you used it to do things for other people, your big heart is my favorite thing about you.  
I wish I was there during all that possession shit, you are so strong for going through all that with no one on your side and it hurts me that you had to struggle through that. But I’m glad you were strong enough to know that you needed to talk to a therapist and you’ve grown so much since then.  
I remember the night I read all your blog posts and when I got to the part where you said you loved me, the feeling that washed over me was something I’ve never experienced before.  
It took some time to process my feelings but when I saw the lights reflecting in your eyes and the smell of happiness coming from you was so overwhelming at the ball drop that I knew at that moment that I was also in love with you.  
And now I’m about to wake you up so we can count down to the ball drop for the third time together.  
I’m going to kiss you, then I’m going to get down on one knee and ask you to spend forever with me. I know we agreed that holiday proposals are cheesy and overdone but it is our anniversary so I thought it would be okay.  
I love you so much, Stiles Stilinski.

-Sourwolf.

**Author's Note:**

> Song Stiles mentioned is called Drowning by Chris Young, which is what inspired the idea for this fic.


End file.
